How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back | Ryan Paynar's blog

Quick update with my life. So I've been working on a really great project at work. I haven't talked about my engineering career much on this blog, it's pretty much been relationship stuff. Although I love talking about different dating topics and whatnot, I also have a deep love for engineering and what I do. So I thought in this blog post I'll be able to share a little bit about the other side of my life that I haven't yet shared with you.

So we're working on redesigning this building in my town that was built in the 18th century. We're trying to restore it, but at the same time add a bit of freshness to the building as well. I've been working with a few different architects on this project which has been really neat. It's great to see their perspective on different projects because these type of individuals are just so creative. I come from much more of a logical type of side and they help to open up my mind to think and imagine things I would have never in my life. Some of the designs these guys come up with are truly remarkable. It's been really a pleasure at my work. I think I'm really lucky to be able to say that. I get to wake up each and every morning and be excited to go to my job. It's great and I hope you feel the same way.

The Beauty Of Not Needing To Say a Thing

There's one thing I love about being with someone you truly love...

Sometimes, the two of you can be completely silent, and not have to say anything, and that's completely okay.

In a world where we are constantly expected to say the right thing at the right time, with the right people, it's so refreshing not to have to do that from time to time.

Let's take awkward silences for example.

They are quite argualby the most dreaded moment in conversation whenever you are with someone new, especially on a date.

There's nothing worse when the conversation suddenly dries up and the both of you are scrambling in your head "Think of something to say... Think of ANYTHING to say... There are thousands of things to talk about...  Just say SOMETHING."  Nothing comes out and you both are left with awkwardness between the two of you.

How about at the workplace?  Your boss comes to your table and you're almost expected to say something.  He sits there, looking at you, waiting for you to say something and all you can think of "Listen man, you already know what I'm working on."  But all that comes out is "Hey...  What's up? How's everything going?"  When you could care less how the man's day is going.

It's nice to also be with your friends.  When you're hanging out, you don't have to say a thing and it's okay.  It's such a great freedom to have.  It makes the conversation so much more authentic and real.  When they are saying something to you, you know it's because they genuinely WANT to say it, opposed to HAVING to say it.  When you have something to say, it's the same way.

It's funny, because when someone has this type of genuine attitude with people he just meets, they're deemed weird or socially-off.  I think it's glorious.

How To Be a Man

I think it's important that men embrace their masculinity.  (Note - this is  not going to be a rah-rah, mysoginistic post)  In our society, I believe that much of the media has turned us into a nation of feminine males.

I think guys are afraid to be men these days.  This applies so much to people in relationships.  Fellas, we have to start maning up and start acting like the leader in the relationships that we're in.  What does this mean?  It translates into...

• Making decisions ALL time.  I'm not saying to be a dictator, but I'm definitely saying to make decision, then ask if she's okay with it, rather than the other way around.  For example, when you guys are thinking of what to do that night, make a decision for the two of you and see if she's okay with that.
• Not acting like a wuss.  Stop trying to please her all the time.  Yes, it is important to good to her, but that doesn't mean bending over backwards and having over your "manhood" to please her in any way possible.
• Be the rock in the relationship.  This means being emotionally stable and not getting flustered when hardships come your way.  I don't care who you are and what type of relationship, the two of you will face tough times, every relationship does.

I think a lot of the movies and television has lead to the feminization in America.  Most of the movies have the protagonist male being a huge wuss, and still managing to pull off getting the girl at the end of the movie.  Let's take American Pie.  Jason Biggs character is a total wuss - he's weak, non confident, and just completely beta.  Yet he manages to get the girl at the end of every single movie.  Therefore, for all the guys reading this - man up and stop being so influened by the TV.

 

The Importance of Holding Your Power In a Relationship

I was watching a family Guy episode and it really reminded me of some of the things that my friends have done in the past. If you haven't watched family guy by now I highly recommend you do. That’s one of the best shows that I’ve seen that always knows how the make me laugh. The writers on the show are straight geniuses and produce the funniest content today.

Anyways, the show had  Stuwie break up from a girl that he was seen and it showed him doing all these things to win her back. He bought her roses, he sang her a song, and he did all these things that ultimately drove her even further away. It’s only when he started not caring and even started treating her like crap where she started to come around. It was just a funny little thing that was kind of true in real life.

It’s weird, all of the people that I’ve known who are wildly successful with women tend not to care what they do and say when they’re around them. In fact, a lot of them even step on some of their toes with the things that they sa or doy. However, even though they temporarily make the girl angry they always seem to get the girl at the end of the day.

Then you have other guys that treat women like their angels and buy them all sorts of gifts and flowers. You would think that these type of guys would be the successful ones. However, they’re usually the ones that get stood up and gets the  "let’s just be friends” speech.

I’ve seen many of my friends suffer relationships because they weren’t strong enough men and gave their power away to the women they were seeing. Again, a lot of these guys would take them out on nice expensive dinners and buy them all sorts of different things, but at the end of the day they didn’t get the girl.

Now I’m not saying that guys should treat girls like crap. That’s the last thing I’m trying to say. I don’t want a bunch of guys disrespecting girls and not treating them with the type of the respect that they deserve. However, that doesn’t mean you should give away your power and revolve your whole life around them.

I was browsing around on a site called Breakup Hub, which I mentioned in a few posts already. The site revolves around how to get your ex back and all these different breakup tips. It really hits the nail on the head with some of the things they say especially for guys trying to learn how to get your ex girlfriend back. What they advise, and what I’ve seen to work in the real world, is to not give away your power when you are trying to revive a relationship.

The tendency guys make when breaking up is telling their ex how sorry they are, how everything was their fault, and showing how much of a was there. I like that site because it advises guys to stay calm, don’t freak out, take a step back away from the relationship, and talk to their ex from a position of security.

So if you’re in a relationship or have broken up from a relationship try to keep these things in mind. Stay being a man and never give away your power. This doesn’t mean you should overpower a woman were under power but it means to respect them and retain the power that you hold.

Why I Love Blogging

One of the reasons I love writing on this blog so much is because it allows me to escape from the humdrum of my regular life. I love my job and I love engineering and everything that I do with that but this gives me a creative outlet to get a lot of the things and thoughts that I have inside my head out to the world.

If you haven’t started a blog I highly receommend that you do. It's been one of the best things I’ve done for myself in the last few months and  I definitely would give it two thumbs up with all the benefits that you receive from.

For one, like I said you have an outlet to release your creative energy. This is key because after college, we tend to stop writing. I know that a lot of you out there are in jobs where you are required to write  e-mails and things like that, but that isn’t the true creative outlet. When you have a blog, you get to write about anything you want and in any way you want. Hopefully you will choose to write about something positive and have the topic be something that will benefit others.

Another benefit of starting a blog is to be able to connect with other people you normally wouldn’t have the chance to. There are so many wonderful and interesting people in the blogosphere that you will be able to meet once you have your own. You can comment on their blog and they could do the same for you. As you do this, blog comments turned to e-mail conversations, and those turn into phone calls and from there you just foster all these great relationships with people all over the world. It’s hard to do something like this with any other pursuit that’s why I think blogging is one of the best ways to connect with other people.

Also, it’s just the way to keep track of what’s going on in her life in the concrete format. It’s great reading my first couple posts when I started this blog because it really gets to show me what I was going through at the time. It’s really neat to go back and see all this. I can’t wait till after a few years when I get to relive a lot of the moments throughout my life through this blog.

So I would highly recommend starting a blog. There’s so many benefits that you’ll gain from it that you be silly not to start one.

How To Get Over a Breakup

I'm going to talk about how to get over a breakup in today’s post.

Getting over a breakup can be one of the most difficult things anyone can go through. I’ve seen even the most confident and well put together individuals emotionally spiral out of control in the aftermath of a breakup. People that just seems so together when they were this their partner just completely became messes once their girlfriend or boyfriend broke up with them.

So it’s really important that we talk about this topic because it has the potential to either transform you into better version you never thought possible or completely wreck your life.

I know about this all too well, when I was in high school my girlfriend Cindy broke up with me when we were sophomores. She was my first love and a girl that I just adored at the time. Not only did she break up with me. She left me for a guy on the basketball team. See, I’ve always wanted to be on the basketball team and wear a varsity jacket, and I always told her that I wanted to be on the team. However, being not the greatest of an athlete, I didn’t make the basketball team. So it really hurt to not only be dumped by the love of my life, it hurt because she left me for a guy in the basketball team of all people.

This made me feel so inadequate you have no idea. I just felt like I wasn’t good enough not only for her, but for any girl in general. In the following few months I went through a tailwind of depression, sadness, and loneliness. All those Friday and Saturday night said I was used to us hanging out -  suddenly I was alone and had no one to hang out with. All my old friends were left to the wayside when me and my girlfriend Cindy started to date. So when we stopped dating, I had no friends left.

This really did damage to me because not only did I feel horrible inside, I had no one to talk to it about. So I did a few things that really maybe feel better which I want to talk about today.

The first thing I did was I invested in a journal. I journaled every single day at the end of class. I just wrote down every little thing that I was feeling, and every little emotion that was running through me. It seems like such a simple thing to do, but getting my thoughts and emotions on paper was one of the best things that ever happened to me at the time. It’s like whatever I was writing about was slowly being released from my system whenever I wrote in that journal. Some days I didn’t have much to talk about, so I simply wrote one or two sentences that day. Other days it felt like I was writing a novel in a matter of an hour or two. But no matter what, each and every day I wrote and wrote and wrote.

Since this was the case I slowly started to feel better each and every day. It didn’t take one day or one week or one month or even one year to get over Cindy but slowly and surely I started to feel better about myself, became more confidence and ultimately was happier.

The one site I mentioned a few posts ago called breakup of has a few great articles on how to get over a breakup, the site itself revolves around how to get your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend back but those articles that I just linked to are pretty solid on how to get over heartache.

So that’s all for now. If you can leave one thing from this article it’s this: Journal. Write down your thoughts and feelings every single day and you’ll be surprised how much better you’ll feel in a matter of months.

High School and Women (or lack thereof)

So today I want to talk about s a different dating topic. Yesterday I talked a little bit about some of my breakup experiences in high school. Today I want to keep talking about high school in my own past, however I want to revolve the conversation around dating and attraction.

Like I said in the last article I started dating when I was 14. Me and Cindy knew each other since we were kids and it was really easy for us to become attracted to each other and eventually get into a relationship. However for a lot of guys things weren’t so easy for them. They weren’t friends with a girl since they were young and because of this they didn’t get lucky like I did.

In fact a lot of guys I knew had a really hard time talking and flirting with the girls that were in their classes. They would get all awkward start fumbling over the words whenever they tried to talk to those girls. For the most part I was the only guy from my group of friends that was in a serious relationship in high school.

I kind of lucked out in that sense because the girl that I was in a relationship sort of just fell on my lap. But I know if things would’ve been different and I would’ve not been in that situation I could’ve easily been in the same situation my friend were in.

So I’m very fortunate to have had that experience at such a young age because it taught me a lot about dating and attraction and about the female psyche.

I applied a lot of this what I learned in my first relationship throughout high school and college and for the most part I was pretty successful with women. I wouldn’t say I was a Casanova or Playboy or anything but let’s just say I didn’t struggle with women.

However I do have a lot of sympathy for my friends like I said. I would see them trying to talk to girls in the parties and the football games that we would go to when we were younger and things just didn’t work out for them.  They seemed like Napoleon Dynamite when they were around women.  Hahaha

However, those same friends went on to do some amazing things in high school. They went on to use their time they would’ve otherwise spend with a girlfriend into other areas such as their studies and sports and other extracurricular activities. So they developed themselves in other ways during that time of our lives.

Neither my  situation or theirs is better than the other, it’s just different. Those same guys really worked on their skills with women throughout college and after college and a few of them actually got phenomenal with women. I think it was the fact that they didn’t have so much success in high school that drove them to really work on themselves, and their confidence, and eventually get that girl that they’ve always dreamed of when they were younger.

So that’s just my little random post for today something else thinking about over the last few hours that I just needed to get out on paper. I’ll talk to you guys later.

My First Break Up Experience

Like I talked about in the last post, I’ve been in a lot of relationships. My very first relationship was when I was 14. Me and Cindy were friends since we were in third grade and we almost had every single class together since that time. Over the years we really got to know each other became really good friends and would always joke around and have fun whenever we were around each other.

So homecoming came my freshman year and I didn’t have anyone to ask. And the same time Cindy didn’t have any guys that asked her to go with her. So I figured it would be the perfect opportunity for both of us to go to each other and have fun at homecoming.

So we went to homecoming it was a blast and we had so much fun. But something more came out of the homecoming that night–our feelings for each other. After that night we started dating and it was one of the best times of my high school career. Just to be in a relationship for the first time and feel feelings I’ve never felt before and to be in a level of a relationship that I’ve never been before with the girl was so cool.

We were pretty close that year. We were in many of the same classes together, we studied together after school, we saw each other all the time when we were not studying like on the weekends and holidays and things like that and we just had so much fun together like I said before.

Sophomore year rolled around and she left me for a varsity basketball player. It was one of the worst times of my high school career. It’s funny because my freshman year was amazing but the following year was horrible.

So I knew at a young age how it feels to get your heart broken. Especially when you are that young and you don’t really know if how to control your emotions and how your mind works and that type of experience can hit you like a tonic bricks. It definitely did for me.

My grades started slipping, I started eating less, and I was just generally depressed all the time. I was reading all sorts of things on how to get back with the ex fast (that's a solid blog about breakups by the way).  And I was trying out everything that I read. I would give her flowers and chocolates and all these gifts but no matter how much I tried she still was with the basketball player. In fact they were with each other for the remainder of high school which was not very pleasant for me.

Although I was young and this was my first breakup my parents did get a divorce.  My father went through the same type of thing as me.  His wife (my mom) left him for another man and he went through a bout of depression like I did. It’s funny because he’s my dad and I’m so much younger than him but we were going through the same type of thing. I guess in terms of love, age really doesn’t differentiate what people can go through. He was searching for all sorts of things on how to save a marriage but like me he tried lots of things but it didn’t work.

I think my dad would read things like GQ or other men’s magazines like that to try to find tips but like I said none of it was very good and he  didn’t get my mom back.

So that was one of my first experiences with breakup and it was horrible. Luckily I did get back on my feet and things started getting better in high school but that one particular experience was pretty darn bad. Like I said before,I've been through a lot of different relationships in my day and this was just one of the experiences that I went through. In the next couple articles all probably talk about some of these things but I guess this is good for now just to give you to feel for my experiences in breakup land.

The Awesomeness Starts Today...

Hey everybody!  My name is Ryan Payne and today I'm starting my first blog.  I love technology, social media and the like.  I also talk until I'm blue in the face wherever I go.  So I decided to combine the two and start my blog...

I started this blog as a way to get some of the thoughts I've been in having in my head, down on a concrete form.  No I'm not talking about crazy "please stop talking to me" type of thoughts.  I've just always had a knack for pointing out things about life, about relationships, about philosophy and things like that.  So I decided to help me crystalize some of these thoughts into more of a clear understanding for myself, I should use this blog to do so.

Hopefully in doing this, I'll be able to help a lot of you guys out there. 

One of the topics I'm going to be focusing a lot on is that of relationships.  Yes, kind of weird how me - who is a guy's guy - wants to start a blog talking about relationships.  Well the reason I want to do this is because I have so much experience in this part of my life.  In fact, I've pretty mcuh always have been in long term relationships. 

From the tender age of 14 all the way to my age now, I've been dealing with the ups and downs of being in relationship-land.  Through these experiences, I've learned a lot about myself and about relationships in general.  So hopefully I can pass some of the knolwedge I've learned along the way to you guys.

So a little bit about myself... 

I'm an engineer that lives in Washington DC.  I've always loved engineering, building and crafting things from the ground up.  When I was a kid, one my favorite things to do was play with my legos.  When I was 9, I even won a state-wide competition for building a tiny lego city.  Throughout highschool and college I continued to study and pursue my love of civil engineering.  Yes, it sounds kind of nerdy I know.  While other people are interested in music or sports, I'd be knee deep in all sorts of different engineering projects.  So as you can tell, I'm an engineer now - I redesign old buildings that need to be reworked.

So that's a little bit about me.  I hope you enjoyed this quick little introduction and there will be many more posts in the near future.